A Mummys View

Telling it like it is

I guess I should write about it a bit more really!

I haven’t really written a lot about my pregnancy so far, it’s strange, as when I had my little girl, I kept a journal and wrote in it religiously, I was shopping for items, planning the nursery and excited constantly, but this pregnancy has felt different. I haven’t had the energy or the motivation and have felt pretty crappy throughout the whole period so far. I had morning sickness till week 12 and haven’t slept well for weeks now, functioning on an average of 4-5hrs sleep a night. I’ve started a new, more senior role and am working longer days and having to be up earlier and as a result am feeling even more shattered. The last few weeks has seen my hips (as you know I am disabled) start to play up and I am getting very uncomfortable and in a lot of pain on and off, as I write this I have retreated to the bedroom under hubby’s orders to rest and get a break.

After I had my daughter I always thought to myself that if I had another I would keep an even better diary and mark every moment even more, but I just can’t seem to find the oompf I had back when I had my daughter and I almost feel bad for it being this way. It’s almost like I am so distracted with everything else going on in my life (I have a few other problems that I am hoping will end well and not in more stress) that I don’t have time to really think about it or give this poor little thing that is growing inside me the attention it deserves, and I guess when you have most of the things you need from the first time round there’s less shopping and planning to do too.

So… with a  bit of time out ordered I have decided to write about where I am to date with “bumpety” as hubby has nicknamed baby. I’m now 19 weeks pregnant (20 on Tuesday) and I’ve been feeling baby kick lots it in the last couple of weeks, it’s very active, which I guess is a good thing! I was sure I had been feeling little “pops” or kicks practically since week 11 / 12 but you’re never quite sure if it’s just a rumble, your imagination or an actual kick! Then one night at around 15 weeks I felt an unreal sensation in my tummy, it was so weird, like tremendous flutters, going full pelt! It was much stronger than the first sensations I had when  had my little girl. It went on for a good 30 seconds, then stopped, but an hour later, and an hour again after that I felt it and since then I regularly feel ripples and vibrations, which is always lovely and comforting. They are so regular I am sure baby will be joining the Riverdance contingent from an early age! 🙂

I’ve mentioned the sore hips and insomnia, not great but something I just have to get on with, strangely the tiredness is actually becoming easy to cope with and 4-5hrs sleep and red rimmed eyes is just the norm now! The hips are slightly more problematic when you have a two year old who wants you to get down on the floor and play, be carried or climb on you constantly, but this is something we are having to try to work around.

On a positive from the niggly side effects, it’s nice to be out in the open with things now. As mentioned, I am in a new role now, which I had applied for and interviewed for prior to me finding out I was pregnant. I was obviously thrilled to be offered the job, but I was so nervous about the prospect of having to tell them and gutted that I couldn’t even let it slip a little bit to the colleagues I currently worked with, who had supported me so much the first time round. However, that is all out of the way now and it’s officially out in the open and I can dress without fear of showing my bump hurrah!!!

I’ve had some more news of late that means possible changes could be afoot for me and I don’t know how this will pan out, whether it will mean more stress or work out well, I just have to wait and see. So I guess I have a lot on my mind too, which can be draining in itself, but hopefully soon, things will be clearer, I will be less drained and I will find the lovely pregnancy glow that I got last time… god please let me find the glow! lol!!!

I am looking forward to my 20 week scan in the next week or so, there’s always the obvious apprehension of whether everything is ok, but it’s lovely to see your little one on the big screen. We are probably going to find out what we are having again, I am too impatient and have a gut feeling that this one is a boy, if so I need to prepare as there’s far too much pink in my house and I have no idea about diggers, trucks, cars and all things blue!

I was sat thinking today about the children on either side of our family and trying to work out if there was a swing either way but it’s fairly even, there’s 8 girls, 6 on my side and 2 on  the husband’s and 7 boys, 1 on my side and the rest on my husband’s. Anyone want to hedge a bet and we’ll have an online sweepstake and I will update in a couple of weeks!

Lots of my friends are having / have had babies at the minute ( 11 in total!!!) and for many it’s their second. I am finding this nice as not only will we all be going through it together again (and as I am at the end of most of them I can learn how to cope with two from them all!), but also, it means that my little girl is seeing all of her friends get little brothers or sisters, and it therefore almost seems natural to her. She has a cousin who is just under a year and a half younger than her too and she loves her to bits, so hopefully all the babies will be a real help in the long term!

All in all, things seem to progressing well, I am almost half way through… 20 down 19 / 20 to go!

8 Comments »

My Pregnancy Story – Part 4 – The High’s and Low’s and Side Effects of Pregnancy

My Pregnancy Story – Part 1

My Pregnancy Story – Part 2

My Pregnancy Story – Part 3

The second trimester brought a developing little bump and I was happy to have come out to my work colleagues and proudly (and comfortably wearing my bump band maternity trousers!) I was finally able to ask my colleague if it really had been a fluke that she had dreamt I was pregnant or if she had in fact suspected. Turns out it had been a really weird coincidence, she hadn’t actually suspected a thing! I was going to suggest she read my tea leaves to see if she had a gift but thought I’d best leave it there! 😉

In addition to all the lovely events and plans mentioned in my previous post My Pregnancy Story – Part 3 – The Second Trimester I was getting lots of lovely side effects of pregnancy too:

I’d been lucky in the first part of my pregnancy, no morning sickness at all, just extreme tiredness. However the rest of my pregnancy brought a wave of things, most fairly normal, but when you think back it makes you realise what a rollercoaster pregnancy is and just how much your body changes!

My hips were playing up horrendously and I was struggling to walk at times and unfortunately had to have days off work here and there as I literally couldn’t drive or sometimes even stand and I was using my crutches all the time to support me and help me get about. This was the point at which it dawned on hubby and I as to why my parents had been so quiet at first when we had told them we were pregnant and how the concerns they had were valid and were actually starting to happen. We wondered how I would manage as I got bigger and if I would end up being placed on enforced bed rest. It was a scary prospect but one that would just have to play out along the way. The time off work did result in me being sent to see our occupational health department and having to have an attendance meeting, however everyone soon realised little could be done, no support could be offered other than that already in place, no discipline could be taken as my issues were genuine, I was a disabled, pregnant woman, who’s disability and pregnancy were affecting one another… what’s more to be said?!

My hips also made sleeping at night very uncomfortable. I invested in a DreamGenii pillow but as the weeks wore on and with the existing problem of my hips it didn’t provide me with enough all over support and I ended up resorting to laying pillows either side of me in a line like a beached whale and much to the annoyance of my husband as I took up 3/4 of the bed!

I kept getting a dull ache and pulling feeling in the lower left hand side of my tummy but speaking to other friends who were or had been pregnant I discovered this was normal so just learnt to ignore the niggles and put them down to things stretching and starting to make room for the growing little person inside me.

I also kept getting really dizzy and faint, especially when out and did actually hit the deck in my local Boots store, much to my husband’s shock!

Whenever it happened he kept telling me not to be silly and always tried to keep me moving, but I knew that if I didn’t sit down my body would pull me down regardless, so up to this point I had always managed to over rule him and find something nearby to sit myself down on and regain my composure.

However on this one day I had bumped into an old school friend and her mum who I hadn’t seen in some time. As I politely chatted I felt my eyes start to blur and a buzzing in my head, I knew I was going to go but hoped to god that I could keep control till the end of the conversation. Unfortunately I didn’t quite manage and mid way through my friend talking I announced that “I was going to…” and didn’t quite finish my sentence. All I remember next is going down towards the floor. My friend and hubby caught me before I managed to actually hit it and hubby was trying to pull me upright. I was saying “no let me lay down” and he was refusing, I said “please let me lay down I am going to be sick”, to which he told me to not be dramatic. It was at this point I let out an almighty wreching noise and I have never seen him move so quick in his life! Needless to say he let me lay on the floor! So there I was laid on the floor of my local Boots, on any other occasion this would have been the most embarrassing thing ever, but at that moment in time I really didn’t care, I was starting to feel less woozy and the floor was my best friend! My friends mum had gone to get a member of staff who very kindly got me a chair by the door and a drink. Apparently it is very common and happens several times a week with pregnant women in their store! Nice to know!

Unfortunately this wasn’t the end of my dizzy spells (despite being checked out and told my iron levels were fine.) I had several encounters with various floors, most popular, my bathroom floor (luckily I managed to lay on it before I fell onto it!) and on one occasion I just managed to get my car back onto the drive and lay across my passenger seat… now that could have been a lot worse had I not been closer to home!

As we got closer to the end of the trimester the lovely heartburn and indigestion started to kick in and boy are they annoying and uncomfortable. I’ve never really had this until pregnancy but it’s very, very uncomfortable and there just seems to be no let up. Gaviscon became my best friend! I had bottles in the kitchen, by my bed, small bottles in my bag, in my drawer at work, you name it and I had a bottle hidden there… ok maybe don’t name it! Anyway, I was lost without it!

As briefly mentioned in my last post, with my digestion and hip issues I was recommended an Aloe Vera drink to try as it’s meant to help digestion and joints, so I thought what the hell I will give it a go and went and bought a huge bottle of it… big mistake! It was the most repulsive thing I have ever drank. I tried over a few days but gagged at the taste and ended up throwing it in the bin as even the bottle in my fridge made me feel sick! I just had to put up and shut up!

Heat – Boy is it hard being pregnant in the heat. I felt like I was dragging myself around like a sack of spuds and wheezing like an asthmatic old dog! I was known on occasions to actually change my outfits several times a day as I was so hot and sweaty! Thank god again for my lovely friends who had been there previously and donated some of their pregnancy wardrobe to me!!!

My emotions really went haywire too! I had some amazing hissy fit meltdowns!

I screamed at my poor mum and sister like a banshee because for the first time in their lives they turned up on time to pick me up and I had just painted my nails and they were still wet. They didn’t even get out the car and sat waiting for me, which pile don the pressure so by the time I got in the car I was screeching so loud only dolphins could hear me! We were going to try on and pick up my mum’s dress for my sister’s wedding and then on to my bridesmaid dress fitting. On arrival at the mother of the bride shop they parked up the car and left me in it to calm down. However they locked the door remotely as they walked away and within a few minutes, as I inevitably moved in the car, the alarm started going off. However, as the shop was on a main street, they didn’t realise and didn’t come out to help me! I couldn’t do anything, the doors were locked and I couldn’t get out and I burst into tears, with a restaurant full of people across the road looking at me! I looked like a lunatic! My sister eventually came out of the shop after I called her and released me. I think the embarrassment put pay to my freak out on that occasion!

On another occasion I jabbed my husband with the loft hatch pole because he had refused to quickly pop a small box in the loft for me and I was adamant I wanted it in there there and then (my nesting got a bit intense!). So, I attempted to open the loft and go up the ladder myself (stupid I know but I was very irrational and emotional!) He tried to grab the pole off me and tell me not to be silly. I freaked out, jabbed him with it and then sat on the floor and cried for half an hour before apologising and agreeing to get off the floor and go for lunch at my inlaws as we were by that point running quite late!

Looking back on these I laugh so much, but as any pregnant woman knows, you become an irrational, highly strung and a very emotional fruit loop! There’s no excusing it or explaining it, it’s just how it is! I was also exhausted as I was finishing one job and starting another and in my last few weeks in my existing role I had been given a huge, last minute, time critical project to complete, as well as compiling a handover to my replacement so I was shattered and this really can’t have helped my emotions.. poor hubby! He told me at the time he went to work for a break… I think he still does!

The emotions continued right the way through, I would cry at the drop of a hat, from silly little things like how happy I was or the birth or death of an animal on a TV wildlife show, to more serious things. I cried loads when hubby couldn’t get any time off work to come away on our regular family holiday and I had to leave him at home and go on my own with my parents and sister. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go, I would have been home alone anyway, it was the sheer fact that we were so close to my due date and I just wanted to spend some time with him and relax and we couldn’t. I had visions of going into labour early and us being hours away from each other and unable to do anything. My parents probably wondered what was going on as I sobbed on and off in the back of their car for half the journey there! After 48 hours I eventually calmed down and became a rational human being again!

Along with the waves of emotional outbursts I would get mini panic attacks as to whether I would be a good mum… well it was too late for that kind of thought regardless! lol! I guess it is a such a huge change coming your way though, you go from being single minded and care free to having to change your whole outlook and way of life, I guess you are bound to have little moments of worry.

The last month or so of my pregnancy I would wake up unable to move my fingers, they were literally stuck rigid and I couldn’t bend the joints. It was the weirdest feeling and would take a good half hour or so to wear off. Not easy when you need the loo or want to make a cuppa!

I started to feel tired again at the start of my third trimester, not the extreme tiredness I had felt at the beginning of the pregnancy, more of an “ok” lets just get on with it kind of tiredness and by the time I’d get home from work I just wanted to go to sleep. It probably wasn’t helped by the fact that I seemed to have developed pregnancy insomnia! I just couldn’t for the life of me sleep at night, now it wasn’t necessarily always about my hips stopping me sleeping, it was that AND about me being “ping” wide awake at stupid o’clock! I would sit on facebook at 4am, often I would wander into the kitchen and eat a mini chocolate brioche, I am sure I would have painted if my hubby would have allowed it! It drove me mad! Come 6am when I had to be up I could have slept for England!

The toilet trips came back with a vengeance too! When I first found out I was pregnant I was on and off the loo, feeling like I had a bladder the size of a pea! Then it calmed down a bit and normal service resumed but the last trimester saw it come back with a vengeance and I was known to be up and down to the toilet regularly 8+ times a night! Again, no wonder I was tired… god come to think of it my hubby must have hated sleeping in the same room as me those last few months! ha ha!

However, all of the above were totally worth it, because it’s moments like this that I had at week 18 in April 2010 that make it all worth it, when I felt my baby move for the first time. Sat on the sofa watching tv, I felt a little ripple in the lower left of my tummy, it happened three times in close succession and was an amazing feeling but I wasn’t totally sure that it was what I was thinking it was. However after that they came regularly over the coming days and weeks and got stronger. I absolutely adored the feeling. I thought I would have been scared and freaked out but wasn’t in the slightest, I felt fantastic and very special. The only down side was hubby not being able to feel her too. However at week 22 (May 2010), and just before hubby’s birthday, he was finally able to feel the joy and elation I had felt. “Mini” was starting to give stronger and stronger kicks and more consistently, so, as we lay in bed one night I took his hand and placed it on my tummy and told him to let me know when he thought he felt something. After a short while I felt a kick and at the same time my husband jumped, looked at me and said “was that her!?” to which I smiled and said “yes”. It was lovely knowing that he too could now feel our little girl and share the experience more. He was no longer just on the outside having my running commentary, he could feel the little life that he had created, and over the days ahead we both began to see her rippling across my tummy too. It’s the most amazing and special feeling, you can lay for ours mesmerised, staring and touching this little wriggly being. All the niggles, pains, sickness, tiredness pail into insignificance when you have moments like these…

7 Comments »

%d bloggers like this: